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Aug. 3rd, 2007 12:29 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
goldfishlover73.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
dcmk_yaoiIt's only the tip of the iceburg and even to me, the creator, it makes little since.
or maybe because its 1 a.m.
Critisim would be much appreciate before I start posting to place that I can't easily edit. (like ff.net)
It's not Beta'd but I read it twice and this is the outcome.
it's not long but I hope you enjoy it! ^_^
so without any further ado!
III
Title: A Fight for Sanity
Author: Goldfishlover73
Fandom: MK
Pairing: Hakuba Saguru/Kaito KID, Nakamouri Aoko/Kuroba Kaito
Raiting: R/M for later Chapter things...
Summary: Two minds. Two differnt personalities. Two completely differnt beings in one body. Two cannot co-mingle peacefully while they have two differnt targets.
Not too far into the distance, but far enough away not to notice him.
But then again, why would they?
He watched the two pose, Kaito scratching his head every now and then, freeing his hair from the extra strong gel that his mother insisted on for the occasion.
His other hand, Saguru noticed, never left the girl’s waist.
And why should it? That’s what happy couples do.
Newlyweds do.
His grip tightened slightly on his glass of wine, but facial features remained the same; a gentle smile on his lips, his hazel eyes soft and encouraging. If anyone were to look at him, they would see a man happy about the courtship of his two best friends.
“Your aura tells what your face does not.” He said nothing as she spoke, sitting in the chair to his right. His eyes never left the groom, who was grinning manically. “Why is this scene so troubling for you? You heart is joyful for this union…but your soul is in deep pain…both focused on the same person.”
“I have no clue what you mean Koizumi-san.” He smiled, taking a sip of wine. He felt smooth red liquid go down his throat, relishing in the taste of the alcohol as his surroundings distorted ever so slightly.
“It is he who walks at night of whom your soul yearns, it is not? He who lights the night sky, silent like the phantom that he is.” He felt a grasp his, patting it comforting before she stood. “Your nightly visits have ceased. That is why your soul mourns.” Akako smirked as his pulse increased slightly.
“How did you-” his face showed no hint of panic.
“The spirits may tell me many things, Hakuba-san, but when I see you in his presences, I see the look of yearning for the phantom.”
They both stared at the man who was now frantically waving them both over. “It is the one that dwells within him correct? His other self that you desire?”
The Blond said nothing plastering a smile to his face as he stood, straightening his tie, pushing the thoughts of two nights previous out of his head. Possibly the last time we will be together…
“Saguru! Hurry up! The photographer is becoming angry! I need my best man!”
The blond picked up his pace, pushing the images and the feelings away, forcing the man in front of him to be his focal point, not the memories of the man in white who has the same grin.
Kaito smacked him the back as he approached, slinging an arm over him. “Thanks Saguru.”
“For what?” he watched as the blue eyed man watched the girl clad in white move to stand next to the witch a few feet away. “For keeping my secret.”
He nodded, understanding the unspoken words. “I suppose I should tell Kid sayonara then.” He tried to keep all emotions out of his voice.
“What?! Where are you going?!”
“Isn’t Kid retiring now?” Saguru pretended he didn’t see the flash of purple in his friend’s eyes.
“Not yet!” Kaito grinned. “Sorry…Don’t know why it came out like that…all ‘urgently’ and such…” he grinned for a moment, eye’s softening, “I…I…I feel sad now…for some reason…” But even with these words, a grin plastered his face, his eyes speaking what the rest of his face did not as the camera flashed.
They looked at each other before they both laughed. “That…makes me feel better actually.” Saguru murmured
Kaito looked at him strangely, scratching his head, a chunk of gel falling out of his hair, making his hair even more unruly that usual.
The both laughed.
The photographer scowled. “One good posed picture please!”
“Sorry.” Saguru smiled.
“Say cheese!”
“Cheese!”
“Cheddar box!”
III
Well! As stated early, critisism is a god sent and if ANYTHING doesn't make anysince! Please tell me! And if I get love, More to come! ^_^
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Date: 2007-08-03 09:03 am (UTC)critisism <- criticism.
diffrent <- different.
... Wait what, hair Gel? XD Kaito? *Snerks at mental picture.* Wouldn't that make him even more a Shinichi twin? *Has book 8 flashbacks. |D*
He felt a grasp his, patting it comforting before she stood. <- He felt a hand(?) grasp his, patting it comfortingly(?) before she stood.
you in his presences, <- in his presence,
god sent <- god send?
ANYTHING doesn't make anysince <- any sense.
\o/ Yeay for Cheddar!
Opinion: I like the picture of 'Guru and co. at Kaito's wedding, am wondering what Nakamori senior is doing though. ;c) Not sure where this is going yet. Good continuation? :c)
Ah, am not overly fond of the big gap on the left though. ^^;;
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Date: 2007-08-04 08:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-04 09:28 am (UTC)Ah well, it happens. :c)
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Date: 2007-08-05 03:31 am (UTC)Sadly, I don't control the world (yet) and thus they remain. *grins*
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Date: 2007-08-03 10:01 am (UTC)Except for some grammar errors it's pretty good. Short though. *pout*
Write more? *wibble**plead**glomp*
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Date: 2007-08-04 04:06 am (UTC)i have it all written out and everything, but when i was writing it i wasn't sure if it made much since.
I'll post the rest sometime next week! don't worry!
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Date: 2007-08-04 08:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-05 03:29 am (UTC)Sorry, that was irking me and this coming from the woman who confuses 'barely' and 'barley'.
Other then that, it's a nice start. A few mistakes here or there that were picked up by others, as well as the fact you need to enforce hard returns (the space between a paragraph) as it makes it hard to read (also the indentions need to vanish before you post it to FF.N, it looks funny with them.
Oh, and maybe separate out Saguru's actions from Akako's speech, it gets a bit confusing in there, figuring out whose talking.
*cough* other then that, really good.
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Date: 2007-08-06 01:08 am (UTC)i will work on the space. I didn't know it went crazy like that.
so should i not rape the tab button and keep it all to the side?
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Date: 2007-08-06 05:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-14 02:33 am (UTC)should I put them in italics? Or should I put *time skip*
or just let people asume that it's a flashback. because once you start to read you'll get that it's a time skip.